01.02.2016: Thoughts From A Coffee Shop

This is something completely new for me.

Have you ever considered yourself to be striving for something, anything? I've found myself going through different phases throughout my meagre 20 years. I'm not talking about the stereotypes that teenagers flit in and out of; tomboy, goth, hipster. I mean something more along the lines of watching Bridget Jones' Diary and longing to be exactly like her. After a few days of jotting down notes in a diary about how life treats you unkindly and imagining a way that you can become a hotshot journalist in the excitingly fast-paced city of London, it becomes a little tiresome. I'm also guilty of lusting over people's seemingly perfect lives that they portray on social media. I've been infatuated with the numerous 'Instafamous' and gorgeously suave youtubers our generation seems to constantly be churning out. Following so many healthy eating blogs and instagram accounts in the hopes that I'll become as flat-stomached and inspirational as they are. It has yet to work.

I often find myself longing so hard to become something that, at this point in my life, I am not. Since noticing that I was larger than all of my school friends as the tender age of eight, I've wanted to become slim. Watching romance movies which ended with 'happily ever afters' left me longing for the love that the leading lady receives. Hearing of heavily influential feminists in this day and age makes me incredibly proud to be of my gender, leaving me wanting to make an impact on the world just as they have. My point is this, despite wanting all of these things, I have found that striving to make them happen doesn't work. This is within reason, of course. I'm not suggesting that exercise and a healthy diet won't allow you to end up with a slim trim! My point is that getting into the frame of mind where you want so badly to be like someone else isn't a healthy way of changing yourself. It is not an improvement, it's more of a lie. Keeping up such false pretences isn't a way to live, so I think it's time to cut the crap. I know I'll still long for a better figure- but I'll be doing it to become a healthier me, who is happy with herself.

The view I have whilst writing this.

These are just some short rambles I've been mulling over in my head today. Even right at this second, I'm sat in quiet, picturesque coffee shop with my laptop out trying to make my hot chocolate that I bought an hour ago last just a little while longer. I had tried to dedicate this time to finishing a book that I started months ago, but sometimes you just need to take a step back and write down your thoughts. Let me know if you have these thoughts sometimes, or if you downright disagree with all of my jibberjabber- I won't be offended. I'm unsure of the future of this blog- I don't know whether or not to splice little thoughts like these in between beauty bits. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated!